Mental Fitness
These first few posts will be an overview of how I got to where I am today. After that I’ll take a deeper dive into specific times and adventures and see what I can unearth. If I’m feeling it, I may even come back and link those to the proper spots in these overview posts.
Just a nice shot of a rose I took in 2020.
One unexpected side effect of the surgery and ensuing down time was a massive attack of depression. About one month after the surgery I started feeling like I had dropped below the surface of a dark lake and would exist like that for another two or three months. I had no desire to do anything or create anything.
Fortunately, I still had a stubborn streak that kept me going to work and going to PT and doing things that were already planned for me. But I turned down most invitations to be with people and just sat and enjoyed the darkness. That’s how it always manifests with me, a weird masochistic embrace of the suck. I’d be “normal” at work, then come home and almost revel in feeling horrible and alone.
This had happened one other time - the second year I was in Loretto on my discernment. Again, a sudden lack of activity was the common link. It lasted over a month, and when I finally came out of it was when I realized I no longer belonged there.
This time it lasted much longer. I think I was pretty good at hiding it, but thank god for family and friends who stuck with me even if I was no fun to be around. I hit a breaking point that fall and reached out to a friend who had mentioned he’d seen a therapist. He gave me the therapist’s name, and I set up an appointment. The next day I mentioned to another fried that I was going to a therapist, and he told me there was only one person to see and then named the same therapist I already had called. That made me feel better about it.
I had never done therapy before and had some mental block about it. I went in pretty skeptically, but after the first session knew I was in good hand. Ken was insightful, gentle, strong and saw almost immediately what was going on. He then guided me over the next several weeks until I also saw the problem.
This process was almost as painful as my knee rehab and also as effective. I regained strength in my leg and my mind at the same time over the next few months. This was probably the first time I truly understood the link mental fitness has to physical fitness. I entered 2006 with a new outlook and improved mobility in my leg.
I don’t remember when I played my first ultimate post-surgery. I do remember it was under the lights, so it was fall or winter. I remember I could barely run, but used that as an opportunity to teach a new player the basics during games. Since she didn’t know what I do, and I was mostly just taking up space, I could show her in real-time when to cut, how to play defense and a lot of the nuance new players don’t get because they usually just get tossed into the fray. That made my limited playing ability much more tolerable.
And I kept gaining strength and confidence in my leg and kept playing and getting stronger. 2006 was going to be a good year.
