Good Grief

The past few weeks have been full of loss. First, my cousin John passed away at the end of March. He was younger than me, too young. Then just two weeks ago we got word that my Aunt Joan had died a day before her 87th birthday. The day before her funeral we made the decision to say goodbye to my elderly dog Lily. And later that day I got word that a friend from ultimate had died in a car accident.

I spent several days last week in a kind of fog dealing with it all. Oddly, I shed few tears at my aunt’s funeral and while holding Lily as she was gently put to sleep. To be honest, I felt guilty at not crying for Lily at first. Then at the funeral I felt guilty for feeling sad about Lily but numb to the loss of my aunt. 

But we had a wonderful luncheon after the ceremony and many friends and relatives stood up to share stories of Aunt Joan. That was amazing, and cathartic, and helped me mourn and celebrate. 

In the days since, little things set me off into mourning again. A photo that reminds me of how great my enormous extended family is and how Aunt Joan was such a prominent part of that. Not tripping over Lily’s food bowl reminds me that she’s gone. Meeting an old dog who was as deaf as Lily the past couple of years. 

Grief is good. It helps us remember love. It offers relief from pent up feelings and helps transition into the new normal.

Now, as someone with depression, I was worried how this all would affect me. Weirdly, it had a positive impact on the depression. I discovered that grief is a completely different feeling (at least for me) and does not trigger the badness. In fact, the chemicals released when crying and grieving pushed the depression away. Not that I’d recommend grief as a treatment, I was just glad to see that it did not cause an episode. 

Grief is a part of life. Not the best part, but important nonetheless. There is no point avoiding it or pushing it away when it comes. Grief is good.